Posted by: John Colby | Monday May 30 2011

Celtic Terrors Spring Bank Holiday Dogblog 2011

Celtic Terrors Spring Bank Holiday Dogblog 2011

Sandy (right) and Kerry (left) - The Celtic Terrors.

Friday 27th May 2011

Sandy – look at this!


They’ve collected the caravan again!

Kerry – they’ve collected it several times.

Yes but this is different!


They’re packing things into it.

Oh yeah?

Clothes – food – OUR FOOD!

OH C*TS! This I have to see!!

SANDY! Swearing on the blog!

It’s OK, the filter’s taken it out.

So what now?

Let’s go and help.

Race you.

Apparently they say that they don’t need help.

But they might forget something!

You know that, I know that, but they appear to have forgotten that they forget and can’t remember what they’ve forgotten until they remember that they’ve forgotten it.

Could you repeat that?


Now what are they doing?

Packing books.

Which ones?

She’s got a novel and one of her Landscape Archaeology thingies, and he’s got some stuff on architecture and one that says “Guided by a Stone Mason.”

Wouldn’t they be better off using maps?

Probably, but don’t forget they have the sat nav.


That thing that says “Recalculating” every time they don’t go the way it says.

Bet they come unstuck.

No contest there.

Wonder which highway and/or byway we’ll end up seeing this time?

Kerry, you’re getting cynical.

I’ve lived here long enough now.

You’re right.

Anyway, looks like they’re finished.

For tonight anyway.

Now maybe they’ll feed us.

Stomach on legs.

If you’d been where I’ve been …

Give you that – just glad I was looked after by the Dogs Trust.

I’m glad they found me.

So am I.

Sandy, you say the nicest things.

Mean it. Anyway, he’s off to bed, so it may be an early start.

Yeah – like last time, and the time before and the …

We can always hope.

Saturday 28th May 2011

Wow – it is early

Not too early for breakfast though.

Never is for you.

He’s cooking bacon!

Not all for you, Kerry!

Sandy, you know I share it with you!

Only because they make you.

But I’m hungry!

Understatement of the year, no, make that decade.

Now they’re loading up the food.

Time for us to go.

No comment about ‘stomach on legs’ again?

Not when you do it for me.

Car harnesses – me first!

As you wish. Do you really need to put so much fur on the seat?

It’s spring. I’m moulting! And so are you.

But for sheer quantity!  And mine’s not coming out in clumps.

Anyway we’re off!

So changing the subject…

We’ve stopped again just round the corner. He’s checking something.

And now off.

That white van man is very close!

That’s the caravan!


Right, following the Satnav. She hasn’t said “Recalculating” yet.

She will. Give it time.

We’ll going by the motorway this time.

How do you know?

Read her list over her shoulder.

Right, so settle down. Move your bum.

Just how much seat do you need?


Grey skies – who said there was going to be a heatwave?

Some forecaster.

Hey, see what was on that sign?

You’re the one who can read.

Said “Congestion J15-18” – that’s where we’re going. And this one – says “Severe delays J 21-23”.

Did they pick up a map?

They’re relying on the satnav – but now they’re turning off into the services. No been to this one before.

He’s off to get her coffee.

And we’re off you know where.

What’s a double espresso?

Don’t know but she’s happy.

So am I – we get some of their bacon sarnies!

And now off again – and the satnav is recalculating. It’s sounding annoyed. Trying to send us back the way we’ve come.

Do they know where they’re going?

Down the west of the Severn, he said.

And she’s on her iPhone thingie. Delays of two hours.

No wonder we’ve come this way.

Now she’s chapel spotting.

There’s the Severn! Bit brown.


My side.

Hmm. And now some traffic. Lights, I think.

And now we’re heading for a bridge. Bit high!

Satnav’s getting annoyed again.

Not surprised.

Where are we now?

Says Avonmouth. Now Portway.

What was that car park we’ve just passed under?

The M5. See why we came off?

Now where?

Traffic and A38.

We’re stuck.

Along with everyone else.

So was that last hour’s queue just down to one set of traffic lights?

They’re saying so. And the satnav’s getting annoyed again.

She says the Caravan Club says don’t follow the satnav.

So we follow the directions – and I can smell the sea.

And we’re here.

He says they’re friendly people.

Now the fun of seeing him reverse. Hey, he’s getting better, only two attempts!

And now we’re off on a walk. Ahhhh – needed that!

And me.

And back to the van. And now off shopping.

This could be some time – better catch up on some relaxing. Long way.

Now back and they’re fiddling with a tent.

Pitched - before the rain

But this one’s attached to the van. May be what they call an awning.

Which seat do you want?

The one you’re sitting on.

And now we’re off walking again. Hey – sand!




You’ll never catch any!

One day!

You say that every time.

Where is this?

Berrow Dunes.

How do you know?

That sign!

The sea is a long way out under a stormy sky.

Ok, supper.

And some of theirs.

Now what’s she doing? Turning us off! I was just getting comfy!

They have to sleep – and these are the beds.

We have to sleep as well! But she’s making it bigger!

More room than at home!

Suppose they want some of it.

We’d better let them.



Sunday 29th May 2011

What’s that?

His alarm. And hers.

Early for a Sunday.

Not too early for your breakfast, though.

Never is.

So what are we doing?

Blagging some of their breakfast as well!

You’ll never change, will you?

Don’t think that want me to.

Was that heavy rain? Sounds different from the tent.

Yes, but not much. Think we’re going out.

Sea Front, Burnham on Sea, it says.

Wanna go on the beach!

But we’re not allowed to here.

Just walk then. What’s that say?

The Shortest Pier in Britain.

Wouldn’t it be more politically correct to say “The most vertically challenged member of the House of Lords”?

Not that sort of peer!

But they all smell the same!

Member of the Lords or piers?

Piers. Kind of stale candyfloss and onions.

So now we’ve come to the end of the promenade. Where now?

Back, I suppose.

Hmm, satnav is taking us to Bridgwater. Sainsburys. Then on to the west.

Some place called Cleve Abbey – not a chapel this time.

Lunch stop first. Time for us to sit and look cute.

I’m cuter.


You said that in a sort of resigned tone.

They make sure we get equal shares.

Arrrggghhh What’s that?

A dragon sculpture.

Very realistic.

And you’ve seen some real dragons, have you?

Now onto the abbey. Apparently we’ll have to be on leads.

Architecture – buildings – wonder if the monks had dogs?

They had sheep. Must have had collies. We come from a long and proud lineage, doncha know?

Cleve Abbey Dormintory, Refectory and Cloister.

She’s in her element. So’s he.

And we’re welcome – lady in the shop said so. Nice, that.

Cleve - luxurious building prior to dissolution.

Cleve - luxurious building prior to dissolution.

Good couple of hours there, then off to get supplies.

You mean the cider farm.


Then off over these hills. Can you see where?

Brendon Hills – hey – we’re stopping.

And there’s a trail – he’s reading a signboard – what’s it say?

West Somerset Mineral Railway – ran from here down to Watchet.

Watch what?

Watchet – village and harbour down on the coast. Mined iron ore and shipped it to Wales for smelting.

Talking of smelting I can smell rabbits.

OK, let’s go!

Better wait for him to catch up.

He will.

Bearland Ventilation Flue, Brendon Hills, under conservation.

Hang on, he’s found something. What’s that chimney doing in the middle of the woods?

Ventilation, apparently. Kerry, where are you going? He’s calling you back!


Now where? We’re probably heading back.

What’s a coast road?

A road which coasts?

No, can’t be, because … hang on – have you renewed your poetic licence with the optional free jokes module?


Was afraid of that.

Hey – we’re stopping. Combwich – River Parratt – this one’s brown as well.

And out to the river. Long grass!






They’re saying we’d better be getting back.



Sleep. Yes, you can use my bum as a pillow. I’m snuggling up to him.

Good! I’ll snuggle up to his legs as well.

You’re snoring.

So’s she.



Monday 30th May 2011

Rain! What’s that cheeping?


Ducks. Ten ducklings.

Lemme attem!

There’ll be trouble if you did.

Yes but, before you knew me …

You mean before you were thrown out at Christmas?

Yes, but how do you know?

Have you seen yourself when they put up the tree?

But it soon passes.

But it’s still there?

Yes but … how do you know? I’ve not told you?

I’ve been reading her psychology books.

OK, but don’t let on.


Anyway, damp – very – and we’re getting ready to move.

Dump the water, put the stuff in the car, do the electrics, take down the awning (wet that one), secure anything loose, legs up, car hitched then off.

They’re getting quicker.

Still wet. Now ignore the satnav and get to the motorway.

And a queue.

Bank holiday – to be expected.

And another one. What’s Cribbs Causeway?

A traffic jam, apparently.

Must be a big one to have a place called after it.

Hey – that was Michaelwood. We normally stop there.

Must be going to the next one.

You’re right. And more double espresso.

Notice how her eyes become brighter after one of those?

And more rain. And the M42

And home, and unload.

And out again. Where now?

Taking the caravan back to storage.

Yep. Home again.

And supper.

You know, some things never, ever, change.



  1. Sounds as though you’ve had a great time guys. She was thinking of your Mr and Mrs the other day, she was reading Kilvert’s diary, who mentioned that there was an awful lot of non-conforming in Cornwall(!)

    Love the sound of the bacon sarnies, she was reduced to giving us sausages as treats this morning, Dills is starting to look suspiciously like a sausage roll….

  2. Tell your drivers to join the Camping and Caravanning club – meets every weekend throughout the country. We spent 2 weeks round Easter at LLangollen for £5.00 per night! See

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