Posted by: John Colby | Monday December 8 2014



I’m an ass.

I’m in a stable with an ox and some people. We’d come here (not the ox, he was already here), walked here because of something called taxes. In winter. And he’s old. And she’s pregnant, so it’s been a bit of a journey. I had to be as gentle as I could be, knowing the burden.

And yes, I am a beast of burden. Not for me the glamour of being a horse, carrying posh people about. I’m down with the common folk, the plebs. Thing is, they rely on me. I do what they can’t and I live with them, but not before now this close. Because we had to be gentle and go slowly we were late, and they’ve had to be in this stable as well.

But then she has the baby. There’s no one else to help her, and it’s a boy. And they’re both all right but then there’s something else happening, something big. I’m tired but I’m not going to sleep. Then these blokes come in ‘cos they’ve had tidings, they say. They aren’t posh, just ordinary folks. They’ve brought a lamb with them, so they’re probably shepherds. We’re standing round as we know we’ve got to keep them all warm, and the lamb comes over and joins us. Getting to be a right regular farmyard.

Things calm down then, it gets light and we can all get some rest.

Days later there’s some others, posh ones this time, on camels and such. Even though they’re posh, royal even, they seem awed by what they’re finding. Don’t know why – it’s only a stable when all’s said and done. But they’re treating it as something special. Maybe it is, maybe what’s happened here is special, maybe that’s what we’re feeling.

But there’s trouble. We’ve all got to get out of here fast. I’m the beast of burden again, but it’s not a weighty burden. I’m so very happy to be part of it.

They say it’s a long way to Egypt.

Posted by: John Colby | Tuesday August 7 2012

Celtic Terrors Summer Holiday DogBlog 2012 Part 3

Celtic Terrors Summer Holiday DogBlog 2012 Part 3

Previous Instalment

Tuesday 31st July 2012

Hey ho! Up and at ‘em.

We’ll just go through the motions. I got our CPS tags back from Middy last night.

So up to the gate, wait ‘till he opens it, then off!

And up to the other field, then the northern field.

No rabbits.

Exactly as expected.

Rabbit 1: See – exactly as expected. They were here and we were safe.

Rabbit 3: I think I’d like to see that they aren’t here when we’re out. Then I’ll be more convinced.

Rabbit 2: Me too.

Rabbit 1: But …

Rabbit 2: Well, I’m not paying you yet, and I wouldn’t be able to pay you at all if I’m someone’s supper!

Rabbit 3: Or lunch! Or breakfast! So it had better be right hadn’t it?

But now off to Sennen for the market. And another chapel.

Market has gone very twee and upmarket, and the chapel is in someone’s back garden, so can’t see it.

Hey, we’re off to the Cheese Shop in St Just. Her twin addictions of coffee and books. And we get the biscuits.

And we get the biscuits – and the cheese. They’re good to us here!

So now off to Hayle and lunch. And yes, I know, but food is very important to me – I just can’t take the chance that there won’t be any.

Was I going to say anything?

You usually do. Anyway we’re at Phillack opposite Copperhouse and having had lunch are going for a walk. They’re debating. About Chapels.

Nothing new. So now we’re going back to see them. Or what could be them.

But they aren’t. They’re something else. Which still leaves her with a mystery for another day. But she found a Sunday school, but no chapel to go with it.

He says he’ll look at what other people have done. He says that two hours in the library can save two months in the laboratory, so he may be right.

Anyway, we’re off on a walk before going shopping. Then back to camp.

Rabbit 1: Right – they’re back and headed this way – be on lookout to prove it!

Rabbit 2: Why don’t you go and do the lookout?

Rabbit 3: And see if you’re right?

Rabbit 2: Just go up to the front entrance and see if you can spot them.

Rabbit 3: We’ll be right behind you.

Rabbit 1: But …

Rabbit 2: Or no lettuce.

Rabbit 1: So you’ll back me up?

Rabbit 3: We said so, didn’t we?

Rabbit 1: OK – up we go. … See, there they are!

Rabbit 2: Hey, you’re right.

Rabbit 3: Maybe there’s something in this system after all.

Rabbit 1: So about this lettuce fee.

Rabbit 2: Tomorrow.

Rabbit 1: But …

Rabbit 3: Tomorrow!

Chicken tonight – so no need for rabbit.

I spotted them – but it’s as if they were expecting us.

They were – made sure of that. Just wait until I can nick his laptop again.

You’re plotting, I can tell.

Wednesday 1st August 2012

Got his laptop and made some adjustments.

What have you done?

I’ll let you find out. But they’ll know about us this morning. The change is set for later.

Rabbit 1: See, told you it would work!

Rabbit 2: OK – you seem to have got a handle on it.

Rabbit 3: Better get to the lettuce bank.

Rabbit 1: We can do a DR.

Rabbit 2: DR?

Rabbit 1: Direct Rabbit.

Anyway, now we’ve been up and made our presence known, we’re off to do some more chapels. Lowertown first – no change here. Now he’s programmed the satnav to find Constantine.

The roads are getting narrower.

And grassier up the middle.

And we’ve met a tractor. Reverse.

And a car.


And another.

This time he’s reversing. And into Constantine. To be greeted by a herd of calves in the field by the car park.

Wonder why the churchyard is so much higher than the road?

She’s muttering about Irish Monasteries. Probably not, though. So now a walk through the village.

And finding the one we found before, but not the one for which she has a vague description.

Why was he describing it? He can be vague sometimes.

Only sometimes?

Now off to Tremough, where they’re building the new University campus.

Nothing here – too modern all round. Or what was here has gone. So back to shopping and rabbits.

One track mind.

Not noticed you holding back chasing them.

Only to keep an eye on you.

Rabbit 1: Right, they’ll be here in just under five minutes

Rabbit 2: Whaddya mean will be? They got here five minutes ago. There we were topside and there’s the other one grinning at us. Had to come in down the back way.

Rabbit 3: So what’s gone wrong this time, now we’ve paid for it. Service? I don’t think so! It’s worse than O2!

Rabbit 1: But it was working earlier, predicted them exactly right. You saw!

Rabbit 2: But it’s not working now. So fix it! Pronto!

Rabbit 3: Otherwise we’ll want our lettuce back.

So what did you do then?

You know their iPhones have a snooze on the alarm so that it’s delayed for nine minutes??

Yers …

I just set a snooze on the CPS system. Reading is nine minutes out. Just going to set it back. That’ll confuse things even more.

Just another thing.


They still don’t know you’re hacking into them?

Does it look like it? Rabbits aren’t that technologically advanced, you know. Anyway, Tomorrow I’m going to leave them alone to give them a false sense of security

Thursday 2nd August 2012

Up to the field – no rabbits.

As I said they’re relying on technology and not looking wider. I’ve learnt from him that systems don’t run themselves and require intervention. And common sense.

So he’s not just a pretty face, then?

Wouldn’t go as far as that – nowhere near. But he does do some things well.


OK, passably.

Anyway, breakfast then off to Redruth. She wants to do some searching for elusive chapels. Didn’t know they played hide and seek.

Think it’s more her not being able to find information. We’re parking where one of them burned down. Why’s it called Flowerpot? Don’t think she knows either. And now she’s gone into a bookshop. No change there, then.

Hey, only one book.

Some change there, then. Normally it’s half a shelf full.

Now he’s telling her to go find information. She’s off to the Cornish Studies Library.

Wonder why she didn’t go there earlier – Result! We can now go and find both places we’re looking for. One’s just round the corner.

An elusive chapel – found after a visit to a library – Ebeneezer Baptist Chapel, Redruth

And the other one’s taking a bit of finding, not helped by a typo in the grid reference in the book and a very high fence. Anyway, she’s got it – something we’ve been five years trying to find.

He’s said before that two hours in the library can save two months in the laboratory, so he’s right again – a rare event.

Better leave that for now – she’ll hear. Now up for lunch at Carn Brea. And a walk. Not as good visibility today.

Now shopping – and back to the site

And this evening’s walks have no rabbits. Still, have to go through the motions.

That’s all you ever seem to do.


Friday 3rd August 2012

OK, dodge the raindrops for our walk, then off to Camborne, then Hayle.

She wants to stop for coffee. Nothing new there, then.

We’re sitting outside – he’s in a slow queue. But it rains – hard. So we abandon that idea. So park at the usual place and walk across to Copperhouse. Walk round and he suggests something where a chapel was but she doesn’t think so. So off walking again.

Gave that one up for more research. Now off to Ventonleague.

He doesn’t think we have this one. But he thinks we have been here. We’re recording it just the same.

But then a very nice lady walks up and says to them that her husband has written a history of the chapel – were they interested.

She’s not one for looking gift horses in mouths, so she said yes. Then a gentleman comes up and shows her round and she’s bought his book.

Ventonleague Free Methodist Chapel - dating from 1875 the central pews are the originals.

Ventonleague Free Methodist Chapel – dating from 1875 the central pews are the originals.

Now there’s a change.

Irony doesn’t become you, Kerry. Although you’re right. They’ve also found out loads about other things in the area, and the chapel they were looking for earlier is exactly where he said it was. And now we’re off to find another one that they haven’t been able to find before. Apparently it’s now a cowshed.

And we’ve found it! Now up onto the moors for a last chapel of the day – and they’d already got it!

So shopping, and back.

Rabbit 1: Told you this system’s working. I can tell when they here and when they’re out.

Rabbit 2: Seems you’ve finally been able to get it to do what was intended.

Rabbit 3: Right, supper. Celebratory carrot time, methinks.

They still haven’t realised you’ve hacked into them?

Doesn’t look like it.

Saturday 4th August 2012

Usual morning walk, then off to Penzance. She’s gone to buy books.

Now tell me something new. But we’re walking with him round the harbour. Much more our style.

Sandy at Penzance Harbour – on the lookout for pirates

Kerry at Penzance Harbour – on the lookout for lunch.

And off via Newlyn. We’re passing Helen Glover’s family’s Ice Cream shop.

Helen Glover? That Helen Glover? The one who won Britain’s first Gold Medal at the Olympics Rowing?

That one. The shop’s decorated in celebration. No wonder!

Quick pit stop in St Buryan where they’re starting work on the church roof. They still need £100,000, though.

How much is that in Doggybix?

Let’s see. A hundred thousand divided by the cost of a Doggybix bag with loads of Doggybix, take off the number you first thought of, multiply by a few if there’s an ‘R’ in the month, subtract those you eat and we get – lots.

That’s pretty accurate for you.

I learnt that method from someone who calls themselves an Economist.

Enough – now up Chapel Carn Brea, then St Just to get lunch, and Carn Gloose to eat it. Good job we didn’t sit outside the car – we’d have got soaked!

Seeing that shower obscuring Sennen – and Chapel Carn Brea. If we’d have been up there then we’d have been a bit damp.

Then back to the Cheese shop.

It’s not really the Cheese Shop, it’s where they go to have coffee. It’s really The Cook Book, but they allow dogs in and give us a piece of cheese. And we nick their biscuits.

And a second walk on Chapel Carn Brea – different way this time.

Dartmoor Ponies!

Noticed you avoiding them.

Now shopping, and back to the site.

Have you got anything else planned for the rabbits.

Yes, but not yet. Leave them to gain false confidence.

Sunday 5th August 2012

Up and to the field – round the usual rabbit haunts.

You’re getting more sedate. Are you feeling the effects of all this rabbit chasing?

Just going through the motions, as you said.

Anyway, out to Penzance where she picked up the wrong books yesterday. Got two the same.

How can she tell, she’s got so many?

Agree, but these came out of the same bag.

Then St Just, Geevor to renew the subscription, then on to Zennor for lunch.

Now we’re starting on some serious chapel hunting. “about a mile from Zennor along the Old Coffin Road” is all she’s got. That and a photo of a ruin in some trees.

The Old Coffin Road is a field road – rabbits!

I predict just as much success as with those in Marazion.

Oh ye of little faith!

Rabbit 1: Zennor Control, we have reason to believe that the golden canine who doesn’t often respond to the name “Kerry Come Here!” is in your vicinity. And her partner in crime is also present.

Rabbit 1: Yes, we are giving you the information as soon as we have it. There is a delay to transmission because of the Olympics.

Rabbit 1: Yes, she does pretend to be a voracious predator.

Rabbit 1: Yes, she is fast beyond her appearance. And she does look as if she eats too much.

Rabbit 1: What do you mean, she’s been there for half an hour?

Rabbit 1: Yes, I know we need to share information, but the technology does take time.

Rabbit 1: Yes, we are up to date. We’re tracking their CPS as fast as we can.

Rabbit 1: Well, it’s the fastest available.

Rabbit 1: Well thank you! We’re just trying to help out. And I’m glad your people outran the canine who doesn’t often respond to the name “Kerry Come Here!”.

She’s going to find this chapel – he’s determined that she does!

Don’t care – it’s fun!

Hey, what’s that from above – is it a peregrine?

Not one, two of them. Fortunately we’re a little big for their lunch – they need something smaller.

These granite cattle grids are no problem for us, although she’s a bit shaky on them. He’s OK though.

View of Tregerthen Bible Christian chapel from the field road. It was said to have been “out of use for some time” by 1918.

Anyway – this mile seems like a Cornish mile. Hey – found it. We’re between Tregerthen and Wicca.

And under the trees a porch is visible.

Wonder why they built it all the way out here? No other buildings around.

Land was cheap. Labour was cheap or voluntary.

You’ve been listening to them.

Yep. While you were asleep.

Where are you off?

Rabbits! Maybe they’re slower here.

Unlikely. Anyway she’s calling you. She’s worried.

I’m OK.

Yes, but she worries. So does he.

OK, back. Now off again.

They’re calling you again.

When I’m ready!

But that’s not when they’re ready.

Right – back on the leads as we’re back in Zennor.

And a coffee stop at the converted chapel. And being fed cake.

So back to site.

Hey, they’re using a new technique – there’s a spotter rabbit by the side of the road.

They can spot all they like – I’m too knackered.

Supper, then out again – wonder where we’re off?

Chinese takeaway time – giving him a night off from cooking.

Meal for two, that said – enough for three there. Better than the other place they went to.

And for us!

Anyway, I’m knackered!


Monday 6th August 2012

Up early and up for the rabbits.

I saw one, I saw one. And chased it!

But did you catch it?

Errrm …

Take that as a no, then.

Rabbit 3: So what’s happened to this early warning system! Good job I was keeping a lookout otherwise I’d be hors d’oeuvres.

Rabbit 2: I saw that – the golden one just appeared from nowhere.

Rabbit 1: Thought I’d have a bit of a lie in – was there a problem?

Rabbit 3: Lie in! Lie in! And after we’ve paid all that lettuce. And you go and take your eye off the ball!

Rabbit 1: I was up late watching the greyhound racing.

Rabbit 2: Greyhound racing?

Rabbit 1: Yes, always a happy ending – they never catch the hare.

Anyway, off to St Ives. They have to go.

Parking pricey, then a steep walk into town. I don’t really like it here – too many crowds.

But she has to see a chapel. And for that we put up with it.

Not a very friendly welcome from a pushy woman. Not interested in our reasons for being here, just her agenda. So back to the car and lunch.

That pub used to be OK, but gone very pretentious. All they wanted was a sandwich – all they were offered was a load of overpriced stuff with fancy names. So off to St Just and the usual fare at the usual place.

Now back to the chapel hunt. Oops, wrong road. But now identified one we found a couple of years ago.

Trythall Mission – didn’t have a machete so couldn’t get closer.

And found a new one. Good job she spotted the house name – been transformed a bit. But you can see where the alterations have been made. Now she’s happy.

The Old Chapel, Trezelah – not obvious from external appearance except for the house sign. But you can see the alterations in the space between the upper and lower windows – they were probably long single windows not split on two floors. Looks like fireplaces were added some time ago. This may now be two houses.

So shopping, then caravan.

Hang on, he’s dropped her off and we’re going out again. Hey – Long Rock!

Tennis Ball!




Tennis ball! Oi, human! I mean now, not next week!



And me!


And sit in her lap.

You’ll make her soggy!

Dead right.

Posted by: John Colby | Monday July 30 2012

Celtic Terrors Summer Holiday DogBlog 2012 Part 2

Celtic Terrors Summer Holiday DogBlog 2012 Part 2

Previous Instalment

Some readers have asked about the rabbits. If you want to know the full story you’ll have to see the previous summer holiday dogblogs, but to summarise we know that the rabbits round here like to think they’re technologically advanced enough to use our CPS (Canine Positioning System) to know where we are.

But they don’t with sufficient accuracy.

But I’ve hacked into their network – – Latin for their species.

You are clever.

And used the social network the birds use – Twitter – to do a bit of social engineering. Then we confuse them by changing certain settings on their system and changing them back before they notice.

Not only clever, but devious. How did you learn all this?

Nicked his notes – him we allow to share our bed.

So what now?

We spy on them without them knowing. Sometimes we let them think their system’s working and sometimes we surprise them. Adds to the interest.

But we’re never going to catch one like this.

Believe me, rabbit’s overrated – it takes work to catch and prepare one. We just get them to serve up what we like.

Good point.

Saturday 28th July 2012.

Up early – he’s raring to get out and we like the fresh morning. And Kerry’s chasing the rabbits.

I know I didn’t catch that rabbit – just lulling them into a false sense of security.

So you say.

Hey, she’s still in bed – let’s go and wake her up!

But you’re all wet from the dew – hey – great idea! So now she does want to get up I’ll lay on her feet.

And when she tells you to move I’ll take over.

Good game! She doesn’t think so. Better let her put the bed away.

No fun in not doing something. Just lay on the half she isn’t using.

Breakfast, then up to the field, then out.

She’s off to another literary thingie about landscape. We’re patrolling the local parks with him, then lunch when her thing finishes.

Now where?

I heard Chapel Carn Brea. Like it up there – we can see for miles, even the Isles of Scilly.

And you like the rabbits.

There is that.

Hey, you’re right – we can see for miles today.

Right, rabbits. I know they’re here.

OK, you find any then call me. I’ll just stay with them in the sun.

There’s this beacon basket thing on the top this year. Did they light a Jubilee beacon here?

Not listed on the website, but there is a Midsummer Eve fire here every year. Druids, you know.

King Arthur?

Not this time.

Pity, I’ve always wanted to meet Cabal.

He could put paw prints in stone – and all we can do is paw prints on the kitchen floor.

You can’t wipe up paw prints in stone.

And it doesn’t stop you trying to make permanent marks on the kitchen floor, but they can always clean them up.

Still – there’s always the rabbits. Bet Cabal caught those.

Listen – he was one for tangling with wild boar, so rabbits would have been no problem.

Anyway, they’ve had enough and are going back down. Better follow them.

Now we’re going round the north coast back to Penzance, shopping and the van.

And visit our rabbits.

Don’t be too sure – I’ve reset their system.

Rabbit 2: So you say they’re back?

Rabbit 3: And gong to appear on time?

Rabbit 1: Exactly as planned.

Rabbit 2: You’re certain of this?

Rabbit 3: Absolutely certain?

Rabbit 1: Yes. Now go and watch.

Rabbit 2: Hey, he’s right. Right on schedule. They’re looking everywhere for us.

Rabbit 3: Have to agree. But …

Rabbit 2: But what?

Rabbit 3: But what if this is a one-off or a fluke?

Rabbit 2: You could be right.

Rabbit 1: Right, so now you’re satisfied that the system works?

Rabbit 3: The demo works well.

Rabbit 2: This time. But it’s been wrong so often in the past.

Rabbit 3: I think we’ll need a little more proof.

Rabbit 1: But what about the system I have to pay for?

Rabbit 2: More proof. That’s it.

Rabbit 1: But …

Rabbit 3: More proof – that’s final.

Is that what you intended?

Yep. Now I’m going to leave it set as it is for a while. Then we surprise them.

Sunday 29th July 2012

Not up so early today – raining. But up to the field – and no rabbits.

I said I’d be leaving it alone.

Now breakfast and more rain. She’s said we’re hunting again today. More chapels.

He thinks we’ve already been to some of them. She agrees but wants to make sure.

So off and into Penzance.

Then back again – he’s lost his phone.

Then he finds it in the boot.

Then she says she could have rung it to see if it was in the car.

But they didn’t, and now we’re off again.

This one is supposed to have been hit by a land mine during the Second World War.

They’ve found a gatepost and bent gate. Seems to fit. It’s in the right place.

She’s satisfied. And now onto some more.

Got that one, and that one, and that one, and that one. So now off to lunch via St Just.

And Chapel Carn Brea – like it here.

See how much of their lunch we can blag. Hmm. Quite a bit.

And up – and see the Dartmoor ponies. Nice – they’re in good condition, nice shiny coats.

Being spooked a bit by those people flying kites. So we’re going down so we don’t add to their stress.

Plenty of time to mooch around – out of the wind a bit here.

And off to find another chapel – St Leven.

Hey, this one’s falling down. Deteriorated since we started coming here. It’s listed but probably no money to pay for the maintenance. There’s bits falling off. He’s been round the back photographing and saying that there’s damp everywhere. Pity, but what can you do.

Got to wonder whether listing it and then forcing people to come up with loads of money to repair it was such a good idea. If it wasn’t listed would they have been able to maintain it more cheaply?

You’ve been listening to her, haven’t you?

And to him. He does talk sense sometimes.

Chapel at St Leven in 2007. Missing drainpipe.

Similar view in 2012. Drainpipe now gone and render collapsed. Encroaching greenery. Other parts of the chapel show similar deterioration. All this on a Grade 2 listed building that the owners probably can’t afford to repair.

Anyway, back to the van.

And the rabbits.

But they won’t be there.

You’re sure of this aren’t you?


Rabbit 1: See! It works! Now do you believe me? They’re where they’re meant to be!

Rabbit 2: OK, take your point.

Rabbit 1: So now you’ll pay for this year?

Rabbit 3: Suppose we’ll have to.

Rabbit 2: But not today.

Rabbit 1: Why? What’s stopping you.

Rabbit 2: Its Sunday.

Rabbit 3: And the lettuce bank isn’t open today.

Now I see why.

Right, move over, let me make some ‘adjustments’.

Heh, heh!

Monday 30th July 2012

Hey ho, up to the field we go.

You’ve been plotting.

You just concentrate on the running.

Rabbits! Loads of them!

Then go! I’ll follow.

Nearly got that one.

If nearly is a country mile, yes, you did.

So back for breakfast.

And check the system.

Rabbit 2: So what do you call this! You said it was safe!

Rabbit 1: It was – they were nowhere near!

Rabbit 3: So are there TWO golden dogs in Penwith that don’t answer to ‘Kerry, come here!’?

Rabbit 2: Or TWO laconic grinning collies that answer to the name of Sandy?

Rabbit 1: But the CPS says they’re both out surfing!

Rabbit 2: But they aren’t. Either of them! They’re here and now!

Rabbit 3: So you’d better get it right.

Rabbit 2: Before we pay you one blade of grass, let alone a leaf of lettuce.

Rabbit 1: Errr … Errr …

Rabbit 3: Geddit right for a change!

So what did you do?

Simple really – swapped our CPS tags with Middy next door.

The Chihuahua pup in the next caravan? Clever.

Worked, didn’t it?

Anyway, we’re off today to Camborne to find some lost chapels. And they’ve promised us a run up Carn Brea.

First stop the Pet Shop. Like this place, self selecting the toys!

Carry it to the checkout, then!

And she’s bought some meaty treats.

So now to find the chapels – seems like we’re driving round quartering the ground.

It’s what we do. Maybe they’re learning something useful at last.

And now we’ve found one. Not the one she’s been looking for but one she hadn’t got.

Nice conversion. She’s impressed.

Spectacularly good conversion in progress at Carwynnen. The extension fits into the landscape, and roofing materials have been matched to the original. And yes, it would be great living there.

And now to the other one down the road a bit. It’s supposed to one of the earliest. And she’s convinced.

Reputed to be one of the original Wesley Chapels in Cornwall.

Right, on to lunch and Carn Brea.

Nice up here – can see for miles.

Further today – see up there.

Where, St Agnes Beacon?

No, further, that headland – Trevose Head. And you can see the lighthouse.

Ah, the white thing.

That’s sixty or more miles away! Great view!

And rabbits.

Must you always address the mundane?

Today, yes. Tomorrow it’ll be Tuesdane.

But it’s my jokes module!

Just getting my own back.

And on to the western summit.

I’ve just found this muddy reedy pond.

You would!

I’ll dry off before we get back to the car. They don’t mind really.

So we’re back to the summit, and then the car, then shopping, then back to the van.

Should be fun on the walk tonight.

See what I can think up.

Rabbit 1: So they’re back. Watch out.

Rabbit 2: We know how to watch out – it’s just that we don’t know if we can trust your system to tell us when.

Rabbit 3: He’s right, they’re back.

Rabbit 1: But they’re not up here yet.

Rabbit 2: o now you prove your system by going topside.

Rabbit 1: Errr …

Rabbit 3: Go on, prove it.

Rabbit 1: You make it very difficult to say no.

Rabbit 1: OK, been up. And no sign of them. You’re quite safe.

Rabbit 2: So now we have to trust you. Hmmmm.

Rabbit 3: Can’t stay here all day – let’s go up together.

Rabbit 3: And down together. No sooner up than the golden one was there.

Rabbit 2: And the other one’s got that knowing grin again. Came face to face with her!

Rabbit 1: But they’re nowhere near here, they’re at the caravan!

Rabbit 2: So your system is not giving us the correct in formation yet again.

Rabbit 3: Good job we delayed the payment of the lettuce.

Rabbit 1: Errr… Err…

Rabbit 2: Just get it right! For once get it right!

OK, so what did you do then?

Where are our CPS tags?

On Middy – oh I get it. Anyway, supper. They got extra chicken today. We’re being spoiled!

Only getting what is our due for being such perfect dogs!

Next Instalment

Posted by: John Colby | Saturday July 28 2012

Celtic Terrors Summer Holiday DogBlog 2012

Celtic Terrors Summer Holiday DogBlog 2012

Link to last year’s Celtic Terrors Holiday DogBlog


Kerry, before we start this year’s blog, do you think it’s a good idea if we introduce ourselves?

Good idea, Sandy. And I think we should talk about the Dogs Trust as well.

Because without them we wouldn’t be here together to blog.

You first.

No, you first.

No, I insist, you first.

Sandy and Kerry – Kerry at the front – at Crow Point

No – oh well, if you insist. I’m a ten and a half year old collie cross. They think the other parts are Labrador and German Shepherd. I was born in Dogs Trust Glasgow on 19 January 2002, and someone adopted me. However three and a half years later I found myself in Dogs Trust Kenilworth because they couldn’t look after me. I was booked to go to a home, but they cancelled. Then I met a hairy human with an older dog. We seemed to get on OK, and a week later I found my forever home where I am now.

I came from Ireland. The Dogs Trust didn’t know anything about me because I was a stray, about four years old. I was described as ‘very thin’. All I remember is being taken in and fed. And looked after. Six weeks later these people came to see me and I knew a sucker when I saw one and made straight for her. There were a couple of others as well. One picked me up. I liked it. Then I met Sandy. A week later I’d been spayed and was home with them.

Tell them how you escaped in Sainsbury’s car park.

I didn’t like being taken in a car (now you can’t keep me out as it means we’re going out) so as soon as I could I nipped out, but they caught me. I’m glad now that they did.

Now tell them what the vet said about you.

Ah yes – they took me round to their vets and asked what I was. All she said was “Well, there’s collie in there somewhere”. Now tell them what you do.

What do you mean?

Tennis balls.

Ah yes – they play with me. All I have to do is drop a tennis ball near them and they throw it for me.

What about your collection? You must have hundreds.

And what about your food obsession?

If you’d been where I’ve been …

Point taken.

So we’d better start this year’s blog.

Tuesday 17th July 2012

Will this rain ever stop? I haven’t finished my swimming pool yet and it’s getting flooded.

Thought that was what it was supposed to do?

Not yet, Kerry – it’s not deep enough and the nose tends to collect the evidence.

Like when they have to wash your nose and you don’t like it.

They don’t have to wash my nose. I like it like it is.

Sandy, they have to wash it before you wipe it on their bed.

It’s our bed. We just allow them to sleep in it.

I think that may have a subtly different point of view.

Yes, but … Hey – they’re back!!

With the caravan! We’re going away!! Race you!

Don’t worry, they won’t leave you behind.

Yes, but can’t quite get through that feeling from before.

Get your point.

Now what?

They’re just parking it. Suppose she’s going to work her magic on it.

Hope she does – can’t bear to think of leaving it to him to work magic.

Neither can she. That’s why she does it.

But they’re not doing any more to it tonight.

No. She probably has to put her wand on charge.


To make the magic.

Wednesday 18th July 2012

Not much happening today. They’re at work.

Hey – she’s home early. Maybe her wand’s charged.

She’s taking stuff out of the van.

But now she’s putting more stuff in.

Why can’t we be there to supervise? And I want to see her use her wand.

Could think that they don’t want your fur in everything. You’re shedding.

So are you.

Not as much as you are.

Now she’s cluttering the lounge. Wait a minute, this is all stuff we take – we’re getting ready to go.

Don’t see any tennis balls.

But there is dog food.

Stomach on legs!

But if you’d been where I’ve been …

Point taken.

Yes, you never forget. No matter how good it is … you never forget.

I was luckier. I was always looked after. Thanks to Dogs Trust. They never let me down.

I didn’t know it at the time but I got lucky when they took me in. And then she selected me.

From what they say she didn’t have much choice the way you leapt in her arms.

Yeah. That time on the streets taught me to spot a sucker from a mile off.

And you’ve been using it ever since.

Wouldn’t you?

In your position, yes. Just glad I didn’t have to.

Hey – he’s home. And getting more stuff ready.

And she’s excited about what he’s just shown her.

Sandy! This is a family blog!

The weather forecast! Looks like it’s getting better.


Thursday 19th July 2012

He’s gone to work and she’s home. I’m following her round.

She says you’re her shadow.

Making sure she doesn’t forget anything.

She won’t – she’s got lists. Plenty of them.

Wonder what happened to last year’s lists that she was going to keep?

She’s probably filed them somewhere safe.

And in her case ‘safe’ probably means ‘lost’.

Nah. She’ll discover it when she’s looking for something else.

And then put it somewhere safe.

AKA lost. Then we’ll start the whole cycle again.

“There’s a hole in my bucket, dear Lisa, dear Lisa …”

He’s as bad.

It’s a good job we’re around to show them what to do.

Well, she’s done the van. Lunch. See what we can blag.

And now he’s home. Let the chaos begin!

As usual.

They’re not doing much more tonight. He’s got his books ready.

And he’s sorting CDs. In case it rains.

He’s got enough to last Noah’s Flood.

Are we going tomorrow?

Think so.

Friday 20th July 2012

Car loaded. Harnesses on. Me first!! Me first!!

We both get the same treatment.

But we’re going to see the rabbits!

That’s all we seem to do. You never catch any.

This year!

You said that last year. And the year before.

I’ve been in training.


I have!


Let’s see – there was last Sunday when he took us for that long walk …

As he does every Sunday.

And then …

Face it, Kerry, you haven’t been doing anything extra at all.

Well …

So the rabbits are safe again?

Well … Now what’s he looking at?

Skylark. Vaughan Williams.

Windhover. Gerard Manley Hopkins.

Playing poetic tennis?


So we’re just proving we’re erudite dogs.

Don’t have to prove it – everyone knows.

But we’re off. Trouble getting the right angle to get off the drive. Now there’re checking the lights.

What’s that “Eep, eep” noise?

Indicator – shows the caravan’s attached. Now mirrors, and we’re off.

Hey – only an hour late, they’re improving.

Right – shift yer bum!

But I wanna look out!

So do it from your side.

Your side’s more interesting.

But still – shift yer bum!


We’re stopping! Something’s wrong. No trailer lights is what.

We’re going back. She phoned the garage and they think it’s a fuse needs uprating.

So now we’re back. And they’re furtling in the boot. Hey – it’s OK.

So they’re turning the van, and hitching up – and it’s going “Eep”. Off again.

Three hours late.

But it wasn’t all their fault. This time.


I said that last time.

You did. And I said “Shift yer bum”. And I’m saying it again.

OK, I’ve seen this bit once.

M42 – M5 – Strensham. Pit stop.

Aaaaahhhhhh! I needed that.

And me. And here he comes back with her “Aaaahhhh!” moment.

Double Espresso?

You’ve got it. He knows what’s good for him.

And off again. However there’s signs they don’t like. What are they?

Congestion M5 J19-21. We’ve seen them before.

Last time we went off and found another way. We’re not doing it this time.

Nah – she consulted the interweb thingie and found that the delay was 20 minutes – not worth finding another route for just that.

Hope they’re right. Ah – just joined the end of the queue. But this is nowhere near where it said.

So we have to wait. I spy with my little eye …

Been 15 minutes so far and we’ve only just reached where they said.

I spy with my little …

Funny twenty minutes. More like three quarters of an hour delay. And it’s thinning. But look at the holdup going north. It started at Junction 21 and we’re now nearly at 24 before the queue ended. They’re in for a long wait.

Taunton Deane. Pit stop. Aaaaahhhhhh! I needed that!

That’s my line!

Back in – Tiverton, and off to the north. Bit hillier. And now off onto Exmoor.

She’s nervous – the road’s narrower and twisty.

He knows what he’s doing.

She’s twitchy and he’s told her to stop.

Nearly 1000ft up!

Must be the coffee she’s had.

No, elevation – can see for miles! Hey, there’s Lundy!

Must be near the campsite, then.

And we’re here. Caravan Club Willingcott. They’ve checked in and we’ve been given a space.

But it’s occupied – back to the office.

Got one now. Reversed OK but she wants him three feet sideways.

Done that. Now the awning, Easier than the other one.

At last we can stretch our legs.

Walk. Supper. Walk. Bed.

They’re both snoring. Keeping us awake.

Don’t care. We’re warm and there’s space to be comfortable.



Saturday 21st July 2012

Strange colour in the sky. Blue.

Haven’t seen that in – well – ages.

Breakfast. Ours and theirs, some of which became ours.

He’s spotted another skylark. Now out. Oops, wrong way – change the satnav settings. Where are we going?

Appledore – a peaceful place.

Appledore. That place that St Ives should have been but isn’t.

Satnav’s not very good, is it?

It seems to have invented some routes through walls, certainly.

Anyway, we’re here.

Slow walk along the river. Plenty of smells, plenty for dogs at our pace.

Now we’re going into the streets. Oh oh. She’s found a bookshop. We’ll wait outside with him.

But they’ve invited us in. Nice people.

And now he’s buying books. Good marketing getting us in, then.

Now lunch. And they’re bringing us water. Nice of them.

Now back to the car and off for them to do some shopping. One of them stays with us, though.

Now Sainsburys and back to the caravan.

And the dog walk.

There’s Lundy Island!

Where’s Tuesday Island?

What do you mean … you’ve been talking to that French Poodle again, haven’t you?


Supper. Bed.

Sunday 22nd July 2012

Managed to blag some of their breakfast again. And off to Ilfracombe. Need a few supplies.

Must stock up – you’ve been getting successful with the begging routine.

And back to the van for lunch. We’re waiting for low tide.

Going to Crow Point – boats, dunes and beach.

And rabbits!

They’re quite safe.


Truth! Anyway, talking of rabbits …

You’ve been plotting, haven’t you?

Wait and see. Meanwhile enjoy this place.




You would!




Tide’s further out than when we came here before.

Good, more mud! More sand!

There’re loads more people as well.

Look – first decent weekend for ages – you’d expect people to be out – first chance they’ve had.

Yeah – we can’t believe our good fortune with the weather at the moment.

Abandoned hulk at Crow Point

He’s brought water. Me first!

Let it get to the dish – drinking out of the bottle is so …

Right, I’m off in the dunes to find rabbits.

They’ll call you back.

I’ll come – eventually.

Sea’s a long way off. Suppose it is low tide.

More space – now we’re going round the point. She’s taking photos. And you’re a poser!

Just showing my best side, if you don’t mind. I do care how I look on the web!

This hulk was here last year.

Given its state it wasn’t going to float away very far, was it?

More rabbits!

Stop for water – Kerry takes it straight from the bottle before it hits the dish

Come on, we’re going back. More water. Let it get to the dish, Kerry!

Not like you then, gently sip at it then play a game of catch with them when you catch the water in mid-air. So ladylike!


Anyway, back to the car. I want to nick the laptop tonight.

You’ve been plotting!

In a burrow in Penwith.

Rabbit 1: Hello, Northam Burrows Control. Thanks for the update. Dog known as “Kerry Come Here!” spotted today along with companion. Intelligence has it that they’re headed our way. Penwith control out.

Rabbit 2: So they’re back. Just hope that after last year the messages are on time.

Rabbit 3: And don’t forget that this year there are no fees. Last year you took our lettuce and didn’t deliver.

Rabbit 1: Ok, yes. We have a new system this year.

Rabbit 2: You said that last year …

Rabbit 3: And the year before.

Rabbit 1: I know, I know. This one’s so much more secure. Relies on CPS …

Rabbit 3: Canine Positioning System? That’s old and failed last time.

Rabbit 1: … which has been upgraded to give a much more accurate result, if you’d just let me finish.

Rabbit 2: So it’s complete?

Rabbit 1: This is the Beta, nearly ready for release.

Rabbit 2; Why am I suddenly getting twitchy whiskers?

Rabbit 3: Probably the same reason I am.

Rabbit 1: Look – what have you got that’s better?

Rabbit 2: Instinct!

Rabbit 3: Common sense!

Rabbit 1: Look, give it a try. We’ve been working hard on this.

Rabbit 2: Do we have a choice?

Ah – you’ve tapped into them again.

Yep! And this time I’m using the Cloud.

Not many of them about today.

Not that sort of cloud – computing cloud.

That was a joke.


So what have you done this time?

Social engineering again. You know they used a pretty insecure password last time …


That’s the one. So I went to their storage and used reverse social engineering to guess what they might use. Came up with all sorts that I thought could be used. Spent ages. Then I cracked it.

So what was it?

They hadn’t changed it.

So it’s still L3ttuce?

Yep. Thing is, they THINK they’ve changed it as they’ve all changed their logons, but they left the admin password unchanged.

So you can hack into them at will.

Exactly. Just like I am doing.

This is going to be fun.

Monday 23rd July 2012

Up early. Looks like we’re trying to make an early start.

I’ll see it when I believe it. Have they ever?

Errrm. Let me think. There was … – no. But then there was … – no again. Then in … – no, not then either. And then … – no. Come to think of it we’ve never got away on time.

So we’ll just lie on the grass and relax. They’re doing all the work.

It’s happening quicker than I expected. We may get there before nightfall.

Hope so – I’m hungry.

But you’ve only just had breakfast.

So? It wasn’t enough.

But they’re trying to keep you at your ideal weight.

Their idea of my ideal weight is not my idea of my ideal weight – as I’ve said before.

But they want you around for a long time – not like some of those dogs you see who can’t move very well because their owners give in to them. And you need the speed for the rabbits.

One day.

You say that every year.


Anyway, they’re putting us in – and we’re off.

Only up to the office. They’re handing the key back.

And now off – same old traffic jam in Braunton.

He wants to go along the Atlantic Highway. Says it’s been forty years since he’s been along it all.

There’s Lundy.

What’s that further down – looks like another island but it’s probably cloud.

Or the Lost Land of Lyonesse.


Supposed to have disappeared a long time ago.

We’re stopping – lunchtime!

They need a break.

And now off again. Looks like we’re going north of Bodmin Moor this time.

Camelford, Wadebridge, then the A30.

Look, there’s Carn Brea! Think we’ll get to go there again?

We usually do. They like it and I know I like it.

Better traffic today than it has been for us.

And now at Wheal Rodney. Walk first. Think we’ll let them do the work while we lie in the shade. And then shopping.

Rabbit 1: Right, they’re close. Be on your guard.

Rabbit 3: Whadya mean close! Just popped topside and there she was, the golden one grinning at me!

Rabbit 2: And I’ve just has a close encounter with the other one. What’s all this about a more effective system?

Rabbit 1: It’s giving the right data – they’re here.

Rabbit 2: Yes, but it’s late. Let’s have a look at that!

Rabbit 3: Look, down in the corner “This data may be delayed by 20 minutes. To receive real time data upgrade to the Professional Service.”

Rabbit 1: Yes, but the Professional service we’d have to pay for. This one’s free.

Rabbit 2: So yet again you’ve been telling us that “We have the technology” but you’re too mean to pay for the technology to work?

Rabbit 1: But it costs more than we can afford.

Rabbit 3: I remember last year – we paid two months lettuce each to have early warning, and that failed as well. What happened to the lettuce?

Rabbit 1: It wilted.

Rabbit 2: Wilted my foot! You ate it.

Rabbit 1: Only when it started to wilt.

Rabbit 3: Huh!!

Rabbit 2: You’d better fix this and quick. It’s getting dangerous!

Heh! That’s good. What have you done to them?

Successful salesmanship. I just fed them the ‘benefits’ and they swallowed it.

Not very discerning, are they?

I would say “desperate for a technological fix” and “trusting too much in technology”.

You’re starting to sound like him on a rant.

Learn from the best, they say. That’s one of the slogans of his university.

So what are you going to do now?

Nothing. Let them panic. And then you appear again unexpectedly. And then they tweak some more. And you appear as predicted. That’ll make them think they’ve got something right. Then they get more confidence. Then you appear unexpectedly again.

How do you know all this.

I wrote the script to run before we left home.


But now supper.

That’s my line!

So? I nicked it.

That’s plagiarism!

And you don’t?

Not often.

Uh huh?

Then walk, mooch around, then bed.

And on that successful change of subject, good readers, good night.


Show off!

Tuesday 24th July 2012

Off for our early morning stroll.

You won’t find any rabbits.

But we have to look.

Agreed – act normally, don’t let them know what’s been cooking.

Your scripts have been running?

Never stop. Anyway, let them think we don’t know what they’re up to.

Rabbit 1: See! Told you that they’d show up then. And they did!

Rabbit 2: Not exactly hard to predict when they’ve been doing the same thing every morning they’ve been down here for the past eight years!

Rabbit 1: Just proves that the system works. Now about that fee …

Rabbit 3: I need more proof before I part with a single stalk of grass, let alone lettuce.

Rabbit 2: And me. Now you’d better get that thing right!

Rabbit 1: But …

Rabbit 2: Right, we said! Fool proof! Blast proof! Right!

Rabbit 1: But …

Rabbit 3: Right, we said! Not some half cocked “Nearly works” all the time.

Rabbit 1: What would happen if I turned it off?

Rabbit 2: Then we’d be no worse off than we were at the beginning.

Rabbit 3: Come to think of it, we had our instincts more sharpened then. Do you think … ?

Rabbit 1: OK, OK, I get it. You want it to work.

Rabbit 2: That’s it exactly.

Rabbit 3: Quite.

So where today. They said they have to go into Penzance.

I don’t like the noise.

But they can’t leave us in the car, that’d be worse.

Ok – I know that they know I don’t like towns, and they keep their visits as short as possible.

Come on, then we can blag some of their lunch.

Causewayhead – the part that always me think of a frontier settlement. The discovery, the rough and ready nature of the place, the …

You’ve renewed your poetic licence again, haven’t you.

Yep, and the free …

Don’t tell me – jokes module.

Yes, how did you guess?

Just say that I’m expecting the humour to get worse. I have to suffer that every year. It’s worth exactly the price you paid for it.

But it’s free. It cost nothing.


Now we’re off down to find a new bookshop – or maybe it’s the old one renamed.

Renamed is his guess – and there it is – he’s right. She’s going in.

We’re waiting outside. But now we’ve been invited in. Of course we’re well behaved dogs!

But nothing bought – now that’s a rarity!

Hot, isn’t it?

That’s why they’re getting lunch and going back for a while, then coming out later. I did hear mention of sausage rolls.

You wouldn’t miss that.

And so back, and sausage rolls have materialised.

And dematerialising just as fast into your stomach!

Time for a siesta – cool grass in the shade beneath a blue, so blue sky.

Hey – I’m the one with the poetic licence!

They’re reading. And he’s falling asleep and is snoring.

Now we’re off again. Hey, it’s Long Rock. Wonder if they’ve remembered my tennis ball?

Of course, they wouldn’t forget that. Run!



Tennis ball!

Tide’s low – could walk onto the Long Rock – from which the village gets its name, doncha know.

Fairly obvious. But problem.

Paddling at Long Rock

What’s that?

They haven’t thrown my tennis ball for at least three seconds.




Tennis ball!


Plenty of other dogs here.






Back to the car – then shopping – then back to the caravan.

But we have to stay outside until we’ve dried off a bit.

No hardship in this weather.

You’re dripping sand.

Not as much as you are.

She’s gone swimming, and we’re going for a walk to the field.


Hey – wait for me – I saw them first!

That’s scared them. Must have a look later.



Stretch out.

But they’re saying that they want to sit down. Suppose we’d better let them.

Rabbit 3: That was close, too close!

Rabbit 1: Well, you chose to ignore me. I told you they were back.

Rabbit 2: But that was ages ago. And as they hadn’t appeared we assumed that your system was wrong again.

Rabbit 1: Assumption – the mother of all cock-ups.

Just as I’d hoped.

You’ve duped them again.

Wednesday 25th July 2012


Sandy, stop trying to crawl into the skirting board. They only want to make sure you’re OK as you haven’t been eating well.


Look – I’ll come in with you. I don’t like being left without you either.


There’s no need to climb into his shirt pocket. Just let them examine you.


And let them take your temperature.

I still don’t like the vets, even though we’re finished and outside.

They said nothing was wrong with you, just the travel. We’re with you, we’re all OK.

So what do I have to do?

Just be yourself. And there’s chicken attached to this treatment!

Did you say chicken?

I did.

I’ll think about this.

Don’t think too long, or the chicken may fly in my direction.

But we’re back at the caravan – breakfast.

Now he’s gone off – long time. And he’s back. And dragging her and us with him.

And now she’s excited about a post Roman Dark Age potsherd, whatever one of those is.

Looks like the stuff we were digging up in the top field.

Apparently it’s only in Cornwall that people continued making pottery after the Romans left.

So what did they do for dogbowls in the rest of the country?

Don’t know. But she’s got her mojo fired up again.

Now he’s taking us to see the rabbits again.

Ignore them.

But …

All part of the plan.

Right, now off. Where to?

Camborne. Some place called Chapel Hill.

Figures. But hasn’t she found enough?

Chapel at Brea – not visited before this year

Apparently there’s some elusive ones hiding. Bit like your rabbits.

Oi! Not fair!

Found one. Not the one she was looking for though. Now talking photographs.

Off to Portreath to get lunch. Then to Tehidy. Did you see that sign on that place, Perran’s Cross.

Wonder what annoyed him?

I don’t … wait a minute – that was your jokes module, wasn’t it?


Should have known, Fell for it!


Then a walk round in the shade. Pleasant.

Dog in the Greenwood

Then shopping, then back. Now she wants to come and find the rabbits!

She calls it field walking. So they’re going up and down this field picking up bits of pottery.

Now we can just get to the hedges. Rabbits here!

So you say.

There are!

They’re a long time. They’re finding stuff, though.

Not rabbits?

No, not rabbits!

Eventually finished.

So now back and supper.

Rabbit 1: See, exactly as predicted. Arrive when and where it said they would. Now about that fee …

Rabbit 2: I’m getting to believe you, but I really think we should give it another day or so.

Rabbit 3: Seeing how it’s been wrong before.

Rabbit 1: How much more proof do you need? It’s predicting accurately and telling us where they are!

Rabbit 3: After your previous cock-ups I want to see it works for longer.

Rabbit 2: And me.

Rabbit 1: Well, you can’t wait for ever.

So we’ll never catch them.

No? Wait and see.

Thursday 26th July 2012

Get them up, go up to the field, look for the rabbits and back for breakfast.

So we’re going chapel hunting again today.

I prefer rabbit hunting, they taste better.

But you’ve never even come close to catching one.

Puppy school taught me that.

You must have a good memory.

Cheek – yours must be better as you’re older.

Anyway, we’re off.

What were you doing just before we left?

Making adjustments.

I won’t ask.

You’ll see when we get back.

I know better than to ask. Where are we going?


Tell me something new.

OK, new chapels we haven’t seen yet.

There mustn’t be many. Or any.

Agree, but we (and he) has to obey.

But apparently we’d seen them all.

And now of to Porthallow. Satnav. Sending us a strange way.

He’s stopping. And it’s the wrong Porthallow. We want the one that’s the midway point of the South West Coast Path.

Back to map navigation – and we’re there.


Stomach on …

I know, I know. If you’d been where …

Yes, and I’m very glad that I haven’t. No wonder you don’t want to talk about it.

I’m just scared that this could all disappear.

You don’t think they’d do that, do you?

No. It’s just a nightmare. I know that they want me just as they want you.

So now he’s taking us for a stroll along the beach.

Not as sandy as Long Rock. It’s a bit deeper as well.

Nice how we can do what we like.

And he’s happy to be with us.

Now back and chill for a while.

Find some shade to lie in.



He’s taking us for a stroll again.

And we’re back chapel hunting. Ruan Minor, this one.

So we’re on the road to Ruan.


Now Lizard Village, and ice cream.

She’s insisted it’s Roskilly’s

Don’t blame her. How was yours?

Same as yours, not enough of it.

Now back to Sainsbury’s and back to the caravan.

And up to the field.

Rabbit 2: What sort of early warning system do you call this? I’ve just come face to face with both of them. And they’ve gained speed!

Rabbit 1: Watch out when you go topside, guys, they’ve just come back

Rabbit 2: I SAID – I’ve just come face to face with both of them. And they’ve gained speed!

Rabbit 1: Yes, they’ve just come back. They could be showing up any minute.

Rabbit 2: ANY MINUTE – they were here ten minutes ago. I have to take evasive action down the emergency route just to get back. What about the early warning??

Rabbit 3: And they’re in the top field. Where’s the point of your system?

Rabbit 1: It shows that they have only just got back. I don’t understand it.

Rabbit 2: I understand very well – your system’s rubbish!

Rabbit 3: And don’t think I’ll be paying any more until it does what you’ve promised – tells us when they’re about ON TIME! Not twenty minutes behind!

Rabbit 2: So just get it right, understand?

Rabbit 1: But …

Rabbit 3: And that’s from me as well!

So what did you do?

Just switched their timezone – and now I’ve switched it back.

You’ve done that before.

They didn’t notice then, either.

Good plan.

Friday 27th July 2012

It’s breezier today. Ho hum!

You’re plotting something, aren’t you? Is it to do with the rabbits?

Ho hum.

OK, so that’s why you’re first at the gate. And we’re off!

Ho hum!

Why are you wearing a smile? Your plotting worked, didn’t it?

Ho hum!!

Rabbit 3: So there I was expecting the golden one they call “Kerry Come Here” and I get face to face with the other one with a big smirk on its face. What do you call this? Early warning? ‘Cos I don’t!

Rabbit 2: They swapped turns this morning – why didn’t your system pick it up?

Rabbit 1: But they were there just like I said. I got the right number, just not necessarily in the right order.

Rabbit 2: And you want more subscriptions of lettuce for this?

Rabbit 3: Tell you what, you go up next time. Prove your system.

Rabbit 1: Errr … err …

Rabbit 2: That’s it, prove your system – no more arguments. Otherwise we’ll start singing “Brighteyes” again.

Rabbit 1: That’s a threat. I’m not falling for it.

Rabbits 2 and 3: (sing) “Brighteyes, burning with …”

Rabbit 1: Enough, enough! I’ll go. On one condition.

Rabbit 2: What’s that?

Rabbit 1: You follow.

Rabbit 3: OK, fair enough.

All right, how did you do it this time?

Swapped our CPS geotags.

CPS? I’ve forgotten.

Canine Positioning System.

Right – now out – Penzance to see the Pirates.

She’s going shopping, we’re with him sitting by the harbour.

Then lunch – St Just for pasties for them and sausage rolls for us. And out to Carn Gloose to sit and see the Scillies.

Then back to the cheese shop, which they call a coffee and book shop. Actually it’s called The Cook Book. They allow dogs in as long as they’re well behaved. Like we are. Especially when there’s their biscuits to blag!

They’re both on a mission for the books today as well. When we get home wonder where they’re going to find space for them?

They’ll manage – we won’t be sleeping in a kennel.

Should think not – however if we nudge her slightly do you think she’ll get him a kennel?

Nooooooo! He’d call it a shed and then there’s no telling what he’d be up to!

Now we’re back to Penzance as she’s got a ticket to literary festival do. Something about Cornish Saints in literature. However we’re off to Long Rock.



Kerry enjoying life





Sandy posing

Now to pick her up, go shopping and back to the caravan.

Then a walk to the field. I’m off!

I’m not far behind!

He’s calling us – ignore him for the moment until we’re finished here.

Now the next field. I’m off!

And me.

And now the final field.

Not much here today, so back to the field we first thought of.

That’ll confuse them – let’s see what they’re up to.

Rabbit 1: Agghhh! They’ve found the back entrance.

Rabbit 2: Did they get close?

Rabbit 1: Close enough, didn’t you see?

Rabbit 3: We were at the front entrance, where we expected you to be.

Rabbit 1: But I agreed if you’d back me up.

Rabbit 2: We were, but you weren’t, so that’s your problem.

Rabbit 1: But …

Rabbit 3: But as we said – prove your system.

Now they’re getting totally confused.

As I intended.

Good one. Now supper.

Kerry, did you have to be in such a rush to get into the bed while she was making it, and then fall into our water bowl?

But the floor needed washing anyway – was meaning to tell them about it.

Understood, but not at that time of night.

Next Instalment

Posted by: John Colby | Monday December 12 2011

Celtic Terrors DogBlog December 2011 – More about Jo and Kaiser

Celtic Terrors DogBlog December 2011 – More about Jo and Kaiser

Kerry! Have you heard …?

What, that you’ve discovered a tennis ball mine?

No, much more important …

That the dog biscuits you’ve been burying in the garden have resulted in a tree?

No, even more important …

So what then?

Jo’s got her chair so that she can take Kaiser out!

White woolly Kaiser with the big floppy ears?

Himself – the one we met last month!

When we did that walk?

That one!

Now that is important! So what we did helped!

And thanks to the people who had faith in us and gave what they could.

And lots of others did the same.

And Kaiser can now enjoy himself more.

And Jo gets to be out with him.

I think we’ll call that a result.

Yep. … You sure there isn’t a dog biscuit tree … ?

Celtic Terrors Dogblog November 2011 – Walk in the Park for Jo and Kaiser

Kerry …


There’s loads of dogs here.

There would be, Sandy, it’s a sponsored dog walk. Honestly!

But what I mean that it’s good that there are. For Kaiser.

Oh – see what you mean. Is that him?

Could be – big, white ,woolly – let’s drag them to say hi and sniff round a bit.

Jo and Kaiser at the start - Kaiser's the big white woolly one.

Jo and Kaiser at the start - Kaiser's the big white woolly one.

And the rest of them. Plenty of Springers.

Gundog country.

Wonder if there’ll be any rabbits?

Why don’t I keep my mouth shut? Yes there will be but you’re not going after them.

But I could catch supper for both of us.

After five years trying in Cornwall you think that Staffordshire rabbits are any slower?

Well I … but we’ve got to pose with Kaiser.



Is this my best side?


But that what you said we had to do.

Grief! Now watch it – we’re being called for the TV camera!

So Kaiser’s famous then – saw him last year. Some award or something.

“Friends for Life” at Crufts. Remember they woke us up to watch.

If they will feed us then give us the sofa to lie on what do they expect? We fall asleep.

Hey – back to it – we’re off soon.

Did you have to do that in such quantity?

Don’t worry, he’s cleared it up.

They’ve got their wristbands.

He looks SO fetching in pink!

Suits him – hey hang on.

And now he’s saying he’s taking it back – not carrying it round.

He’ll catch us up. She’s slower than him.

Lovely Autumn Day

Lovely Autumn day. Hey, don’t believe that she’s slow – this is a cracking pace!

He’s taking photos – he’ll catch us up.

Like the smells round here. Different.

After half a mile

He’s taking his time catching us. Let’s wait for him.

If we both stand she can’t move.

And now he’s putting us on longer leads.

So we can trip her up more.

Good plan.

Still a lovely Autumn day.


A pack of well behaved dogs

Water stop. He carries it round for us.

It’s getting warm. She’s got her coat off. Not bad for mid November.

Hey – what’s that?


How much?

And sheep – Jacobs.

Oh – not that kind of dear. Lemme attem!

No, Kerry – leave them alone. Beside we’d never get one in the car to get it home.

Make a change from dog food!

Stomach on legs!

If you’d been where I’ve been …

Point taken.

Still a lovely Autumn day.

There’s a lot of dogs!

And we’re back – and looking to see which photo she wants.

And he’s buying treats for us!

He’s soft like that.

Me first! Me first!

He makes sure we get the same.

But I’m only making sure they’re edible!

Anyway, they said 80 people. And he counted 40 dogs.

So Jo’s a bit closer to getting the wheelchair to take Kaiser out more.

Hope so.

Good day.

Yep. And thanks to all those who’ve sponsored us.

Yes, Jo and Kaiser are now closer to being able to get out independently. And that’s important for both of them


The Celtic Terrors – Dogs Trust rescue dogs – Sandy was born in Scotland, was adopted but the people had to hand her back because they moved. She’s a Labrador, German Shepherd, collie cross. Kerry was a stray from Ireland and when found was “very thin”. She makes up for that now. We think she was chucked out at Christmas 2006. Our vet described her as “Well, there’s collie in there somewhere”.

Posted by: John Colby | Saturday August 13 2011

Celtic Terrors Summer Holiday Dogblog 2011, 24, Saturday 13th August 2011

Celtic Terrors Summer Holiday Dogblog 2011, 24, Saturday 13th August 2011

Previous Instalment

Hey – HIS buildings today – no chapels! Just some warehouses in Totnes. Apparently he has some old photos of where we’re going today and wants to see what’s happened to them. He also has memories of coming here as a kid.

Must be dim memories – a long time ago!

Posh warehouses at Totnes - they were rather more tatty fifty years ago.

Then she spotted a shop – and we’re waiting outside with him for HOURS!

It was only fifteen minutes.

Yes, but to him it was HOURS!

Then we walked up Totnes High Street – the higher you went the weirder it got until we were in another country. Think it was the substances rising.

Didn’t like it much.

Me neither. And then they found a bookshop, but both came out disappointed. Then off to Kingsbridge, where they discovered they didn’t have enough change for parking. So on to Frogmore for lunch.

Good brie.

Very good brie, just the right creaminess and liquidity with perfect flavour.

Didn’t get enough of it, though

Me neither.


Not very sandy though, difficult to walk on. Says it’s Slapton Sands.

Slapton Shingle more like. We’re not allowed in the water. Too steeply shelving, whatever that means.

Gulls flocking.

There’s a monument here. Must be something to do with that tank at the other end of the beach.

... but some of them never returned.

Hey there’s a lighthouse!

Start Point.

When are they going to finish?

When are you going to get a decent jokes module?

This one’s  OK – get it with my poetic license – and it’s free.

Opinions may differ. And now on again bit narrow. Why doesn’t one of those cars back up to allow the others through?

Just what he’s saying, but with less printable language.

I like this town. What’s the river?

The Dart.

How do you know?

Read the map.

Now that was a great walk. And the coffee for them and biscuits for us.

Now we’re going by boat!

Think it’s called a ferry.

Do they live at the end of the garden?


Boats like this.

I’m going to regret this – why?

Because then you’d have ferries at the bottom of the garden.


Then Sainsbury’s

Then supper!

Posted by: John Colby | Friday August 12 2011

Celtic Terrors Summer Holiday Dogblog 2011, 23, Friday 12th August 2011

Celtic Terrors Summer Holiday Dogblog 2011, 23, Friday 12th August 2011

Previous Instalment

Up early …

For them. I’ve been ready to get to the rabbits for hours.

So all the snores were just window dressing?

I don’t snore!

Hmmmm?? They say you do.

They say you do as well.

Not as bad as them.

Agreed. Now to these rabbits!

Missed that one. And that one!

You’re not helping!

Let’s go and get some reliable breakfast.

She’s busy packing.

While he’s out of the way with us.

She wants it that way.

And us in the car while they fold up the awning. They’re having trouble with those zips. That’s twenty minutes she’s spent on that one.

Finally packed and on the way.

He’s stopping. Now what’s he forgotten?

It’s OK, he just wanted to check.

Traffic – we’re not two miles from the site yet.

It’s OK, you can use my bum as a pillow.

I wouldn’t need to if you only took up half the seat!

I have got half, the middle half!

Right – on the A30.

Traffic. To be expected.

But not this much, it’s a bit slow.

We’re turning off on the A38 soon.

We’re not – that’s blocked with an accident, that sign says so.

He’s turning off. Hope he knows where he’s going.

Don’t think he does – he’s working by instinct.

Like we do?

Something like that. … I hope!

Steep hills round here. And through towns. Was that a steam train we passed? We’re not in a time warp are we?

Where did you learn about steam trains?

Puppy School. They also taught us how to be REALLY cute.

And mine did.

Where are we going?

He’s heading to Lostwithiel.

When are they going to find it again?

Uh – oh! Road closed and diversion. Says ‘unsuitable for HGVs’. He’s having to try it, though.

The road’s narrowing.

And getting steeper!

I’m going to shut my eyes. I don’t want to see this!

He’s shut the satnav off. Relying on maps.

She’s shut her eyes as well!

If he does we’re all in deep do-dos!

And now there’s a lorry blocking the path – he’s getting out to look and see if we can get past.


Don’t know about unsuitable for HGVs – unsuitable for cars more like!

And now we’re in the town – a town with narrow streets.

This turn looks a bit tight. There’s a ditch my side. Traffic will have to stop in both directions before he can get out.

Eventually someone stopped. And now they’re both breathing a bit more easily.

I didn’t know you could get a caravan through such places.

Neither did he!

Lay by. Time to stretch our legs.

Aaaaaahhhhhhh! I needed that!

Aaaaaahhhhhhh! So did I!

And now off again. And over the Tamar.

And through Plymouth.

He’s saying he lived up there, that place we just passed.

And there. And now some miles under us.

And off the A38 to Totnes. And a traffic queue. Thought they’d run out of stock of them by now. And now he’s getting the Satnav annoyed again by taking a different route.

And down another country lane. Into the site.

Good dog walk – plenty of dogs here.

Into Sainsbury to do the shopping. Followed the Satnav and that was down a narrow road with plenty of reversing. Then shopped. And then through Paignton.

Can’t go far – it’s the Regatta and roads are closed. So back to the site.

And now supper!

Usual comment.

He’s taking us out for a late night excursion.

What’s that?


Wonder if they taste the same as Cornish rabbits? But I suppose that would mean catching one.


Better luck next time.

In a Cornish Burrow.

Rabbit 1: Attention South Hams. Alert for brown canine answering to the name of “Kerry, come here!”. Or maybe just “Kerry”. Left Marazion en route for you.

South Hams Rabbit: We have just experienced said animal – what took you so long to alert us?

Rabbit 1: They were stuck in a traffic jam. Didn’t think they’d be up to you yet.

South Hams Rabbit: Well they are. If you have any more alerts could you please make them more timely and we’ll be able to make use of them.

Rabbit 2: You’ve done it again haven’t you?

Rabbit 3: Looks like it. You’d better have it fixed for next year.

Rabbit 1: You think they’ll be coming here again?

Rabbit 3: They’ve booked.

Rabbit 1: So you’d better renew your subscription …

Rabbit 2: After this year, you want MORE lettuce.

Rabbit 1: I have to keep the system going. Can’t do it without people buying it.

Rabbit 3: What do you think your name is, Bill Gates?

Next Instalment

Posted by: John Colby | Thursday August 11 2011

Celtic Terrors Summer Holiday Dogblog 2011, 22, Thursday 11th August 2011

Celtic Terrors Summer Holiday Dogblog 2011, 22, Thursday 11th August 2011

Previous Instalment

Last full day down here today – so she needs to do some shopping.

Bet it’s books.

Undoubtedly. We’re used to sitting outside bookshops with one or the other of them.

And not only books – that’s a jewellers we’ve now been to.

She’s looking pleased.

And now lunch – and off to Carn Gloose where the mist invaded.

Then up Chapel Carn Brea, say goodbye to the rabbits up there.

One day …

You say that every year.

Relaxing, they call it ...

And finally back – and they’re packing – we’re staying out of the way.

We’re moving off tomorrow to another site – don’t know if we’ll have woof-fi access there.

Next Instalment

Posted by: John Colby | Wednesday August 10 2011

Celtic Terrors Summer Holiday Dogblog 2011, 21, Wednesday 10th August 2011

Celtic Terrors Summer Holiday Dogblog 2011, 21, Wednesday 10th August 2011

Previous Instalment

They fell for it! They fell for it!

I noticed – you were expecting that weren’t you? I could tell by the way you took off.

Yep – one tweak and one message was all it took.

What were they?

Message was that we had no hope of catching them, tweak was me switching off CPS.

When you took off after them I had a job keeping up.

I can move fast enough! But we still didn’t catch them.

You know those shops all over the place – called “Co-operative Food”?


I’ve decided bunnies are “uncooperative food”.

Thought it was my jokes module?

The one I paid for is better.

So off for more chapels. Oh oh! They’re finding more!

Small clues are often all you get

I’ve said it before, I hope they save some for next year. Or do they grow when we’re not around?

Don’t know. I think he’s convinced they are growing! She calls it research.

And now lunch – Porthustock. And a relaxing time on the beach. Bit breezy, though.

A sight not often seen, thankfully - knees

Back to Sainsbury’s and find a large traffic jam. And emergency services. So off on a jaunt round the nether reaches of Helston to get back. Then supper and bed.

In a burrow.

Rabbit 2: This famous – ahem – CPS of yours. What happened to it this morning?

Rabbit 1: It suffered an outage – not much I can do about external systems.

Rabbit 3: But so very convenient for them that the outage was precisely when they were about? And problematic for us?

Rabbit 1: As I said, external systems.

Rabbit 2: So who precisely controls the CPS? Someone you can complain to? Because it was very close this morning.

Rabbit 1: It says it’s Kay 9 Systems Limited.

Rabbit 3: And that hasn’t made you suspicious?

Rabbit 1: Err, no. Should it?

Rabbit 2: Read it. Out loud.

Rabbit 1: Kay Nine – errr – you may have a point.

Rabbit 3: A very good point. All this time you’ve been relying on something controlled by THEM??? I WANT MY LETTUCE BACK!

Rabbit 2: And mine!!!

Rabbit 1: Well – errr – I’ve eaten it – can do you a refund in grass, though.

Rabbit 2: You mean the stuff that’s growing free?

Rabbit 1: That’s the stuff.

Rabbit 3: You owe us – BIG TIME!

Rabbit 2: And that’s from me as well – BIG TIME!

Rabbit 1: It’s a good job they’re going in a couple of days.

Rabbit 2: Yes, isn’t it – and convenient! Let’s just not have any more slips ups. Shall we?

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